stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
