he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
