How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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