im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had to cum in my sink.
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