I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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