i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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