Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
