I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
