After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
