We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
