dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
