please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
