Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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