Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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