I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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