Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
