god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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