Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
