The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
