If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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