I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
