Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
