I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
