you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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