She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
