what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
