Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Terrible idea I love it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
