i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
