More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
