If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
