My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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