Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
