sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
