That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
