remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
