the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
