Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
