Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
