Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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