i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
