His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
