i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
