Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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