I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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