remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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