I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
