I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
