I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
