Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
