just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
