oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
