Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
