ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is the high leading the old right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
