I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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