I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
