My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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