New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
