I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
